i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize