I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
