You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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