Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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