you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
