"it" just moved
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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