and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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