i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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