Already got asked if we're dating
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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