just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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