boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
