Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
