Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
