Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
