Yo dont text me then not text me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
