Too much gin, very little bucket
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
