I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize