he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
