i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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