didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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