I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
