The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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