I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
