i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
