Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
