Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
