Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
