there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
