found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize