She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
