Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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