I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
