True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
