1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
