When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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