My first STD was from a foam party
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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