I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
