I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I want a musical about memes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
