now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize