My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
