I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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