fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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