i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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