That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
