remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
