I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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