Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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