He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
