nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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