Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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