I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
