Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
