Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
