Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
