he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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