Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
