I wish I could teleport
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
