Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize