the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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