All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
