YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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