Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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