Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
