and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
