just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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