The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
