And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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