Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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