gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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