i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
