I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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