what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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