i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
