census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
