Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
