Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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