Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
